Awful night

Had a difficult day with Andy yesterday. He did come to the church opening but he wasn't himself. He was stressed and anxious all day and I couldn't seem to snap him out of it. He did seem to chill out a bit at tea time but it didn't last for long.

When we went to bed Andy started cuddling up to me and I knew what he wanted but I'd had such a stressful day that I couldn't just switch off how I was feeling and relax enough to do all that.

He knew I wasn't into it and to cut a long story short all hell broke loose. I went downstairs and sat on my own and then went back up, then he came downstairs and then I came down after him because I was so mad at how he was treating me.

I really could have punched his lights out, I was sooo angry, I had to stop myself from shouting loud as the kids were all in bed.

He complained about all kinds of things, me being on the computer, my mobile phone - us not talking enough together. I felt like all the hard work and effort I've put in over the last few weeks had counted for nothing. I really wanted to run away, I felt like I'd failed and there was nothing more I could do.

We went back upstairs and were calmer and we chatted about all kinds of things. I just couldn't stop crying. Lots of stuff from the past came out, maybe we needed to do it to clear the air.

We didn't get to sleep until after 3am and as a consequence I missed church this morning as I was too tired to go and my eyes were still puffy from all the crying.

Today has been much better although I really do feel like I've been through a war. At one point Andy told me I didn't look very well and to be honest I didn't feel great.

Katherine and Matthew went to Morrisons for lunch with a few friends from church and me, Andy and Isobel ended up going to Asda for lunch. We bought a few bits for Katherine's birthday and then we went to the cemetary as I hadn't been for ages.

All the flowers were dead in the pot and it looked awful and I felt guilty. I put fresh ones in and they really do look gorgeous. I've taken a photo on my phone, if I can I'll upload it onto here later.

Later on we went to Morrisons to get a few more bits that we'd remembered after we'd been to Asda and we got a couple of lovely lanterns that are on offer as I wanted a new one for the cemetary. I always light a candle when I go and the old lantern is looking a bit tatty now.

We came home and put the shopping away and then went to my parents for a while and had a cup of tea with them.

Later on we collected Katherine from youth theatre rehearsals and came home and had tea.

Andy, Katherine and Matthew have all gone to band practise now, Isobel is in bed and I'm getting some much needed 'me time'.

Sarah x