Another difficult day

Mum had the children so that me and Andy could have some time together after yesterdays proceedings.

We decided to go to the Marina for tea. I know it was extravagent as we'd eaten out the night before but we just needed some time out.

We had two meals for £9 so it wasn't bad at all. We didn't have a pudding either which is a first! I went into the new hotel and picked up an application form as they need staff. It would be really handy for me working there as I can walk there and back and that's a big consideration now diesel is so expensive!

We had a really lovely couple of hours and later on the kids came home and Katherine and Matthew went back out again to youth cell and band practise. We put Isobel to bed and then things all went wrong again.

Andy ended up going out for a walk around the canal and I went upstairs and sreamed and cried into my pillow.

I was soooo frustrated - I just can't live like this anymore. I cried and was so angry.

Later on for some strange reason - around 9.30pm I started to paint the bathroom! I don't know if it was therapy or what it was but I felt really manic.

I finished painting and was just about to ask one of the kids (who by this time were home again) to come with me to try and find Andy and he was home!

I told him that I felt crap and maybe I should leave. I seemed to constantly fail at trying to make him happy and felt that they'd all be better off without me. We had a really good talk and sorted things out (again) and went to bed. I felt really sick all night. I don't know if it was the chicken tikka I'd had at the Marina.

During the day in desparation I sent out an urgent prayer request for Andy as I'd text him in the morning and he said he was feeling crap and really emotional.

Sarah x